Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
