toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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