we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
