Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
