Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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