This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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