you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
