i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
