your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Your tits are I can't wait for
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
