I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
