seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
