Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
