You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
