I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
