Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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