Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
