I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
