just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
