what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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