I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
