I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
