we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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