Soap is not a condiment
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
