I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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