I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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