he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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