I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
