Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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