woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
