He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
