she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
