oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
