i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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