I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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