hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
