we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
