I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
