So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
