haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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