Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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