What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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