I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
