Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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