this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
