Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
