ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How does one acquire holy water?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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