3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
