It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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