i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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