Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
