You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
