Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
