The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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