I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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