I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
