All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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