Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
