I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
