Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
