I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
