a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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