yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.