I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
