well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
