I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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