Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
