First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
